The Point .08 Killer

HARRY: My hot rod is crashed because of that stupid wall.

JACK: No it is because you DRUNK DRIVE!

HARRY: Shut up! I’m a good driver and if I have a drink it is okay!

JACK: That is crazy! You almost died in the car reck! Open your eyes and see!

HARRY: Shut up!

JACK: No I won’t shut up until you realize that sooner or later your going to KILL somebody when you drink and drive.

HARRY: If you won’t shut up then I am going to kill you in your sleep!

JACK: Well you won’t be able to because I won’t sleep until you are dead!

HARRY: It is impossible to not sleep forever. If you wait until I die you will accidentally fall asleep and when you do I will know and I will kill you

JACK: DON’T YOU SEE?! YOU WILL DIE SOON BECAUSE YOU DRUNK TOO MUCH!!

HARRY: I AM NOT TO DRUNK TO FIRE THIS GUN IN YOUR FACE!

JACK: HA! You can’t. I am not asleep yet.

HARRY: But when you do sleep I will kill you then.

JACK: Agreed.

**when HARRY walks away it is revealed that JACK is also carrying a gun and he shoots HARRY in the back with it**

HARRY: You shot me. But I thought you were going to wait.

JACK: HAHA. I did wait. I waited for you to turn around. And then I did shoot you.

HARRY: Why did you murder me?

JACK: Because don’t you now? My grandpa was killed by a drunk driver! Now I kill drunk drivers.

HARRY: Your vigilante!

JACK: Yes I vigilanteed your ass. Now go to hell, drunk driver mother effer.

**HARRY dies and JACK laughs**

JACK: HAHAHA! That is one less drunk drive for the world to worry about. But what is sad is that I also am alcholholic.

**JACK leaves and goes to a tavern and gets drunk**

BARTENDER: Hello JACK. Where is HARRY?

JACK: I don’t know. Maybe he was trying to drive home drunk and he died.

BARTENDER: Like when you drove drunk home and killed your GRANDPA?!!!!

Drug Suitcase

Trichelle: I can’t be with you anymore, Clive. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t love me.

Clive: Come on, Trichelle, It’s not that I don’t love you. I so do. It’s just that sometimes I’m too sleepy to say it!

Trichelle: To sleepy? That is b.s.! Narcolepsy isn’t even real! You don’t love me!

Clive: Narcolepsy is real, Trichelle! And I do too! I do too love you!

Trichelle: I’m not even a little bit convinced.

Clive: What do I have to do to convince you?

Trichelle: You probably can’t convince me!

Clive: I’ll do whatever it takes to convince you, Trichelle. Right… (yawn)…right after this nap…

Trichelle: This is unreal, Clive. This is unreal.

Clive: (snore)

(8 hours later)

Clive: (awaking) Trichelle? Trichelle are you still there?

(Clive looks around to see that she has gone)

Clive: Damn it! I probably love her and I need to prove it to her!

Nelson: Hey Clive, I can help you out, baby.

Clive: Oh no! Nelson, you are a drug dealer. You can’t help me out.

Nelson: Oh yes I can. I can help you stay awake cool. Look, I’ve got speeeeeeeed….

(Nelson opens up the suitcase he was carrying. The suitcase appears to glow a little and a ton of speed pills spill onto the floor.)

Clive: Come on. You’re telling me that those speed pills will stop me from getting sleepy?

Nelson: You bet I am, mamma-jamma.

Clive: Right sure but you just want to get me hooked on drugs.

Nelson: Mmmm-hmmmm…

Clive: Okay…well…how much for the suitcase?

Nelson: How about I give you this suitcase full of speed and you give me Trichelle?

Clive: What?

Nelson: It’s easy breezy, baby. You give me Trichelle and you get this whole suitcase full of speed. Oh my God, it’s so fly.

Clive: I…I can’t get Trichelle unless I have speed, and I can’t get the speed unless I give up Trichelle!

Nelson: Oooh-weee!

Clive: I guess…I guess the only thing I can do is agree. I lose Trichelle either way. At least this way I get a suitcase full of speed.

Nelson: Now you’re catchin’ on! Shooot….

(Nelson hands Clive the suitcase full of speed and then walks away with a limp)

Clive: Wait! Nelson! You didn’t tell me how many of these pills I’m supposed to take!

(Nelson doesn’t answer so Clive takes a lot of pills)

Clive: I’m invincible! I can run like a bullet! I can jump like a kangaroo! With this energy I can stay awake! I can win Trichelle back! Goodness, my heart...my heart is beating so fast!

(Clive runs and jumps extremely fast. His eyes are wide open and his teeth are clenched. But the dangerous drugs are soon too much, and he quickly begins screaming)

Clive: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

(Clive’s heart literally bursts out of his chest. Clive falls to the floor and his eyes watch in amazement as his heart, still beating, bounces down the hill. Clive was on a hill when this happened)

Clive: ….I’m…so…sleepy….

(Clive dies. Just as he does, eight-year-old Terry Yondle walks up and sees the closed speed suitcase)

Terry: Oh boy a suitcase! I’m gonna play businessman!

(Terry takes the suitcase and walks away)

Elsewhere, down the hill:

Trichelle: I don’t know, Nelson. You’re a bad boy and I like that, but I don’t know if I’m ready for you. You see, I just broke up with Clive like eight hours ago.

Nelson: Oh baby, baby. You’ve been ready for me for a long time. Shoot. Let’s not kid ourselves, I’ve seen where your eyes wander.

Trichelle: Well…as long as you don’t hurt anybody.

(Clive’s beating heart, bounces into Trichelle’s forehead)

Trichelle: (screams) This…this heart! Oh my God, this heart! I know it! I’d know it anywhere! It’s mine. He said it’s always been mine, and he was just using it. Clive…he’d always say that (Clive had said these words earlier, perhaps during the credits?) But if this is the heart he was using, that means….CLIVE IS DEAD! You did this to him, didn’t you Nelson?! I hate you! You and I will never be!

(Trichelle runs away crying)

Nelson: (to himself) Well if I don’t get Trichelle, that means Clive don’t get the suitcase full of speed! I’m gonna go get what’s mine!

The Mid-Arm of Justis

(Scene: An operating table in a hospital)

Police Chief: How is the operation going, doctor?

Doctor: Good. We’re almost done. Soon, police officer Danny Justis will have a third arm made out of pulverite, the strongest substance there is.

Police Chief: And it matches his skin tone perfectly!

Doctor: I know. It’s remarkable.

Police Chief: With three arms, Officer Justis can turn the tide. Of crime.

Doctor: (shouting) That’s the only reason I agreed to do this infernal operation! I’ve been very clear: Though I can see the immense value of having a police officer that has a third arm made out of pulverite, you are messing with evolution, Chief! You are messing with God’s image!

Police Chief: Yes, yes. You’ve said this before. And in return for your concession, we are wiping clear your criminal record of administering vendetta justice against violent criminals.

Doctor: Thank you. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to finish sewing on the pulverite arm before officer Danny Justis bleeds to death.

Police Chief: Go right ahead.

(The police chief lights a cigar and takes out a picture from his wallet of his old partner Terry O’Mulligan, a man killed in action by a mysterious man who was never caught.)

(Scene: Recovery Room. Danny Justis is waking)

Danny Justis: What’s happened to me? I have a third arm growing out of my chest!?

Doctor: You had a third arm attached. It’s bullet proof, Danny. Bulletproof.

Danny Justis: I see. It makes sense. For keeping the peace. For stopping crime. For maintaining the law of the land.

Doctor: For all of those things, Mr. Justis. But might I make a suggestion?

Danny Justis: Please.

Doctor: Don’t waste your third arm on stopping common every-day crime. Use your third arm to defeat the Tri-Umps.

Danny Justis: What? Huh? Who are the Tri-Umps?

Doctor: I’m glad you asked me that, Danny. It shows me you’re the chosen one. You see, the Tri-Umps are the unholy trinity of crime. They are three criminal masterminds, all adept in the dark arts. First, there is Beelzebrother. This one is very…urban. He summons demons to help corrupt the minds of underlings. He is the weakest of the Tri-Umps, and yet his magic has made him invincible in every way. You must kill him.

Danny Justis: My third-arm will find a way.

Doctor: Second, there is Ursa Major. She is a huge giant bear and a very sexy seductress. Ursa Major’s power is beyond comprehension. She can crush rocks so easy.

Danny Justis: Like a robot!

Doctor: Yes. Like a robot. Still, as powerful as she is, even Ursa Major is only the second in command. First in command, the leader of the Tri-Umps, is –is –

Danny Justis: Who is it, Doctor?

Doctor: ….BAH! BAH! CARS GO ZOOM! BAH! BAH!

Danny Justis: All of a sudden the doctor is retarded! What’s going on?! He must be under a retarded spell from the Tri-Umps. Come back to me, Doctor! Come back! You were telling me about the Tri-Umps!

Doctor: BAH! BAH! FOUR ARMS!! BAH! BAH!

Danny Justis: Four Arms? No, Doctor. I have three arms. Oh, it’s no use. He’s still retarded. I guess I’ll have to learn about the Tri-Ump leader myself. But first, time to kill Beelzebrother. Apparently, he’s been causing trouble for far too long. With demons.

(Danny Justis gets out of the hospital bed, and opens the hospital bedroom door. With his third arm.)