Drug Suitcase

Trichelle: I can’t be with you anymore, Clive. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t love me.

Clive: Come on, Trichelle, It’s not that I don’t love you. I so do. It’s just that sometimes I’m too sleepy to say it!

Trichelle: To sleepy? That is b.s.! Narcolepsy isn’t even real! You don’t love me!

Clive: Narcolepsy is real, Trichelle! And I do too! I do too love you!

Trichelle: I’m not even a little bit convinced.

Clive: What do I have to do to convince you?

Trichelle: You probably can’t convince me!

Clive: I’ll do whatever it takes to convince you, Trichelle. Right… (yawn)…right after this nap…

Trichelle: This is unreal, Clive. This is unreal.

Clive: (snore)

(8 hours later)

Clive: (awaking) Trichelle? Trichelle are you still there?

(Clive looks around to see that she has gone)

Clive: Damn it! I probably love her and I need to prove it to her!

Nelson: Hey Clive, I can help you out, baby.

Clive: Oh no! Nelson, you are a drug dealer. You can’t help me out.

Nelson: Oh yes I can. I can help you stay awake cool. Look, I’ve got speeeeeeeed….

(Nelson opens up the suitcase he was carrying. The suitcase appears to glow a little and a ton of speed pills spill onto the floor.)

Clive: Come on. You’re telling me that those speed pills will stop me from getting sleepy?

Nelson: You bet I am, mamma-jamma.

Clive: Right sure but you just want to get me hooked on drugs.

Nelson: Mmmm-hmmmm…

Clive: Okay…well…how much for the suitcase?

Nelson: How about I give you this suitcase full of speed and you give me Trichelle?

Clive: What?

Nelson: It’s easy breezy, baby. You give me Trichelle and you get this whole suitcase full of speed. Oh my God, it’s so fly.

Clive: I…I can’t get Trichelle unless I have speed, and I can’t get the speed unless I give up Trichelle!

Nelson: Oooh-weee!

Clive: I guess…I guess the only thing I can do is agree. I lose Trichelle either way. At least this way I get a suitcase full of speed.

Nelson: Now you’re catchin’ on! Shooot….

(Nelson hands Clive the suitcase full of speed and then walks away with a limp)

Clive: Wait! Nelson! You didn’t tell me how many of these pills I’m supposed to take!

(Nelson doesn’t answer so Clive takes a lot of pills)

Clive: I’m invincible! I can run like a bullet! I can jump like a kangaroo! With this energy I can stay awake! I can win Trichelle back! Goodness, my heart...my heart is beating so fast!

(Clive runs and jumps extremely fast. His eyes are wide open and his teeth are clenched. But the dangerous drugs are soon too much, and he quickly begins screaming)

Clive: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

(Clive’s heart literally bursts out of his chest. Clive falls to the floor and his eyes watch in amazement as his heart, still beating, bounces down the hill. Clive was on a hill when this happened)

Clive: ….I’m…so…sleepy….

(Clive dies. Just as he does, eight-year-old Terry Yondle walks up and sees the closed speed suitcase)

Terry: Oh boy a suitcase! I’m gonna play businessman!

(Terry takes the suitcase and walks away)

Elsewhere, down the hill:

Trichelle: I don’t know, Nelson. You’re a bad boy and I like that, but I don’t know if I’m ready for you. You see, I just broke up with Clive like eight hours ago.

Nelson: Oh baby, baby. You’ve been ready for me for a long time. Shoot. Let’s not kid ourselves, I’ve seen where your eyes wander.

Trichelle: Well…as long as you don’t hurt anybody.

(Clive’s beating heart, bounces into Trichelle’s forehead)

Trichelle: (screams) This…this heart! Oh my God, this heart! I know it! I’d know it anywhere! It’s mine. He said it’s always been mine, and he was just using it. Clive…he’d always say that (Clive had said these words earlier, perhaps during the credits?) But if this is the heart he was using, that means….CLIVE IS DEAD! You did this to him, didn’t you Nelson?! I hate you! You and I will never be!

(Trichelle runs away crying)

Nelson: (to himself) Well if I don’t get Trichelle, that means Clive don’t get the suitcase full of speed! I’m gonna go get what’s mine!