(Scene: An operating table in a hospital)
Police Chief: How is the operation going, doctor?
Doctor: Good. We’re almost done. Soon, police officer Danny Justis will have a third arm made out of pulverite, the strongest substance there is.
Police Chief: And it matches his skin tone perfectly!
Doctor: I know. It’s remarkable.
Police Chief: With three arms, Officer Justis can turn the tide. Of crime.
Doctor: (shouting) That’s the only reason I agreed to do this infernal operation! I’ve been very clear: Though I can see the immense value of having a police officer that has a third arm made out of pulverite, you are messing with evolution, Chief! You are messing with God’s image!
Police Chief: Yes, yes. You’ve said this before. And in return for your concession, we are wiping clear your criminal record of administering vendetta justice against violent criminals.
Doctor: Thank you. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to finish sewing on the pulverite arm before officer Danny Justis bleeds to death.
Police Chief: Go right ahead.
(The police chief lights a cigar and takes out a picture from his wallet of his old partner Terry O’Mulligan, a man killed in action by a mysterious man who was never caught.)
(Scene: Recovery Room. Danny Justis is waking)
Danny Justis: What’s happened to me? I have a third arm growing out of my chest!?
Doctor: You had a third arm attached. It’s bullet proof, Danny. Bulletproof.
Danny Justis: I see. It makes sense. For keeping the peace. For stopping crime. For maintaining the law of the land.
Doctor: For all of those things, Mr. Justis. But might I make a suggestion?
Danny Justis: Please.
Doctor: Don’t waste your third arm on stopping common every-day crime. Use your third arm to defeat the Tri-Umps.
Danny Justis: What? Huh? Who are the Tri-Umps?
Doctor: I’m glad you asked me that, Danny. It shows me you’re the chosen one. You see, the Tri-Umps are the unholy trinity of crime. They are three criminal masterminds, all adept in the dark arts. First, there is Beelzebrother. This one is very…urban. He summons demons to help corrupt the minds of underlings. He is the weakest of the Tri-Umps, and yet his magic has made him invincible in every way. You must kill him.
Danny Justis: My third-arm will find a way.
Doctor: Second, there is Ursa Major. She is a huge giant bear and a very sexy seductress. Ursa Major’s power is beyond comprehension. She can crush rocks so easy.
Danny Justis: Like a robot!
Doctor: Yes. Like a robot. Still, as powerful as she is, even Ursa Major is only the second in command. First in command, the leader of the Tri-Umps, is –is –
Danny Justis: Who is it, Doctor?
Doctor: ….BAH! BAH! CARS GO ZOOM! BAH! BAH!
Danny Justis: All of a sudden the doctor is retarded! What’s going on?! He must be under a retarded spell from the Tri-Umps. Come back to me, Doctor! Come back! You were telling me about the Tri-Umps!
Doctor: BAH! BAH! FOUR ARMS!! BAH! BAH!
Danny Justis: Four Arms? No, Doctor. I have three arms. Oh, it’s no use. He’s still retarded. I guess I’ll have to learn about the Tri-Ump leader myself. But first, time to kill Beelzebrother. Apparently, he’s been causing trouble for far too long. With demons.
(Danny Justis gets out of the hospital bed, and opens the hospital bedroom door. With his third arm.)
1 comment:
This is good but you have to stop stealing ideas from soderbergh-- this is almost the exact same movie as "Sexy Lies and Videotapes" but with a man with a magic middle arm made of pulverite sent on a mission to kill the tri-umps (THAT IS A GREAT IDEA) but Ursa Major is a major villian in 6 different hitchcock movies, including Rear Window and Rear Window II: Through the Looking Window. I just think you should passs the work you do through a "stolen ideas filter" like the one the actors used in the movie "Stolen Ideas."
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