Lion vs. Pony

Raquel is a 15 year-old girl from a middle-class family. She’s wanted a pony for as long as she can remember. When her family finally gets her one, she can’t believe it. She names the Pony Darius, and even though the pony is a lot of work, she takes care of it all by herself. She feeds it, she grooms it, she empties its stall, and she takes it out every day after school.

One day, as Raquel is walking Darius - a lion. Raquel injures herself saving Darius from the lion, and when she wakes up, Darius is talking to her. Yes, her pony is talking to her.

Darius: Raquel, you have saved my life, risking yours in doing so.

Raquel: Darius? You can talk? But you’re a pony!

Darius: I am no ordinary pony, Raquel. I am the King Pony.

Raquel: King Pony?

Darius: Yes. But I am in hiding. That lion that attacked us was after me.

Raquel: But why, King Pony? Why would anyone want to hurt you?

Darius: Politics, Raquel. Politics. The lions are at war with the ponies.

Raquel: Then I will fight with the ponies!

Darius: Oh Raquel. You are young and yet there is so much you do not know!

Raquel: Still, I will die for the ponies.

Darius: Come then. I will emerge from hiding and stand tall against the lion threat. And you Raquel, will be Queen Pony!

Raquel: But where do we go, Darius!

Darius: To my kingdom! Hop on!

But when Darius and Raquel gallop towards Darius’ kingdom, a pack of lions blocks them off. The pack of lions quickly circles them and then one of the lions leaps through the air and knocks Raquel off of Darius. Darius, spooked, runs and leaps over the lions. The lions give chase, but Darius outruns them. Meanwhile, a lion helps Raquel off the ground.

Raquel: Kill me if you must, lions, but you’ll never win. The ponies have “right” on their side!

Lion Leader: Girl, what are you talking about?

Raquel: The war! You’ll never win the war with the ponies!

Lion Leader: We’re not at war with the ponies. That’s ridiculous.

Raquel: But King Pony said…

Lion Leader: Girl, I’m afraid you’ve been fooled.

Raquel: What do you mean?

Lion Leader: Did “King Pony”…did he ask you anything?

Raquel: What?

Lion Leader: Did he make any advances towards you?

Raquel: No! He’s my friend! He was going to make me Queen Pony!

Lion Leader: Mmm-hmmm. There it is…

Raquel: But you don’t mean…!.

Lion Leader: We’re afraid so. Girl, this is not his first offense. This pony has been around a long time. He was supposed to register when he came into your area

Raquel: This is just awful!

Lion Leader: It is. We were trying to protect you.

Raquel: That bastard pony! I took such good care of him and the whole time he… he wanted to…(shivers) What can I do? I want to help catch him.

Lion Leader: Are you sure? Of course, we can protect you if you help, but we’ll understand if it’s too much for you.

Raquel: I’m sure. Let’s put him out to pasture.

The lions work with Raquel and together they devise a plan. Raquel calls Darius and tells them she escaped the lions and that she still wants to be Queen Pony. Darius is suspicious of what she knows, but Raquel works hard to convince him. Eventually, they devise a plan to meet at Raquel’s house. The lions hide around the house and load Raquel up with recording equipment. However, Darius proves more ruthless than anyone had expected. Darius sneaks up behind two lions and breaks their necks. In an act involving smoke, confusions, and explosions, Darius is kidnaps Raquel. But Ryu, the lion leader, is able to escape Darius, and secretly tracks Darius. In the end, Ryu is able to save Raquel by biting off Darius’s throat and feasting on him. It is the animal way.

Raquel: You saved me, Ryu. What’s more, you stopped a very sick pony. I’ll never be able to thank you enough.

Ryu: (looking up from the corpse of Darius) We did it!

Crossing the Dolphin-ish Line

Scene: Seaworld after hours. Dolphin trainer Terry Vatchet is talking to himself by the dolphin pool

Terry Vatchet: (to himself) Sigh. I wish my life were more exciting like in that movie with the giant robot bear. I mean, yes I am a very gifted dolphin trainer. Everyone always says: my awards and trophies speak for themselves. But still, is there something else out there? Is there a way I can use my dolphin training techniques to not only make my life exciting but to also make a fortune and live a life of glamour?

Donny the Dolphin: Reee-eee-reee-eee chirp-chirp Ree-eee?

Terry: I can’t understand you, Donny. (moans) You only speak dolphin.

(Donny the Dolphin swims over to the garbage area of the pool and uses his bottle-nose to bring over a bit of wet newspaper)

Terry: It’s a newspaper article. What’s this? It says that Mammoth NASCAR is super popular and they are thinking of an underwater spin-off where people race sharks.

Donny the Dolphin: Chirp-chirp Reee-eee-reee-eee!

Terry: I still have no idea what you’re saying. Anyway, while this article is certainly exciting, Donny, you’re not a shark. You’re a dolphin.

(Donny the Dolphin swims over to a metal pole in the pool and even though it takes him awhile, he bites it in half)

Terry: Holy shit, Donny!

(Donny’s dolphin mouth is bleeding, but it’s not too bad and for him the demonstration is worth it. He shows this by swimming in circles a couple of times)

Terry: If you can do that, well…. maybe with a little make-up…maybe people will think you’re a shark and you can race in the shark racing I read about in the wet newspaper you brought me!

(Donny the Dolphin rolls his eyes but nods enthusiastically)

Terry: Okay. We’re going to dress you up like you’re a small shark. But one question, Donny.

Donny the Dolphin: What?

Terry: Can you swim?

Donny the Dolphin: Reee-eee-chirp-chirp- eee-reee!

(Donny the Dolphin swims from one edge of the pool to another)

Terry: That’s too slow, Donny. Too slow. Someone is going to have to train you if you’re going to win, if we’re going to be famous, if we’re going to take shark-racing by storm.

(Terry thinks.)

Terry: I’ll train you!