Goonies II

Scene: Astoria

(A thirty-seven year old man whips his head to the camera. His eyes are wide and frightened. Wordlessly, he takes a puff from his inhaler.)

Mikey: Run for it!

(The camera pulls back to reveal a group of 7 other people. They turn to see what Mikey is looking at, and then they too start screaming and running from the unseen menace)

Brand: Why does this always happen, with you, Mikey!!

Mikey: Everybody! Over here! I found a cave!

(the group follows Mikey into the dark cave, and we see Jake Fratelli Jr. hurry by the the cave. He's holding a Tommy Gun and is followed by 3 other mobsters.)

Mouth: It's too dark to see. I don't suppose any of you jerk-offs got a flashlight?

Data: I have flashlight! Look! Look! New invention! (A flashlight springs from a mechanism in Data's chest) Look! We see now! I save day with flashlight!

Stef: Wow. Who knew you'd come in useful.

Mikey: Um…guys?-

Data: Hey! I come in useful all the time! All the time! You just jealous of my inventions!

Mikey: Guys?

Chunk: What is it, Mikey?

Mikey: Shine the light over here!

(Data shines the light towards Mikey's voice and reveals a skeleton clutching a map)

All: Scream!

Mikey: (puffs his inhaler) What's this it's holding! It looks like a map!

(Mikey pulls the map from the skeleton's hands)

Mikey: Um…guys? Remember 22 years ago?

Andy: When we saved our parents houses with pirate treasure? And the pirate ship sailed off to sea? What about it?

Mikey: (puffs inhaler) Well… I think One-Eyed Willie left us a present. Look!

(The group hovers over the map with Data's flashlight shining on it. It's the treasure map of Two-Eyed-Jimmie, Willie's tougher, more sinister, richer pirate brother.)

Sloth: Rocky…ROAD?

Chunk: You're right, Sloth. I'm sure finding this treasure will be a rocky road.

Mikey: But we gotta do it, right guys? We're Goonies! Once a Goonie, always a Goonie! Goonie's never say "die!"

Brand: Goonies? That was 22 years ago, Mikey. Come on. Finding this treasure would be far too dangerous.

Mikey: We're Goonies, Brad. We'll always be Goonies. And maybe our houses aren't in danger… this time. But in this cave it's OUR time. It's OUR time in here. And right now maybe we're all successful adults, but we're not rich. None of us are rich. And wouldn't you like to be rich, Mouth?

Mouth: Yeah, I could get that car.

Mikey: Wouldn't you like to be rich, Andy?

Andy: Yeah, I could get that necklace.

Mikey: And wouldn't you like to be rich, Sloth?

Sloth: SLOTH!

Mikey: 22 years ago, we let One-Eyed-Willie keep his gold. Now, he's repaying us! Don't you see that? He's led us to his brother's treasure map. And I know it won't be easy, guys. But we're Goonies. We've been through this before. We've already proven ourselves worthy. I want to be rich. I want us all to be rich. (puffs inhaler) Now who's with me?

All: I'm!

Chunk: But Jake Fratelli Jr. and his mobsters are after us! We're gonna have to find the treasure with them right on our tails.

Stef: Just like old times.

Mouth: You were kissing me in old times. You want to do that again?

Stef: Ugh. Don't make me barf, Mouth.


Thursday:

Chunk: Mikey? You've been a Fratelli brother this whole time?

Mikey: Of course. How do you think Jake Fratelli Jr. found you jerk-offs in the first place? I've been spying on you for 22 years, biding my time and waiting for the perfect opportunity. Now put the gun down or I shoot the Sloth. (puffs inhaler)


Later:

Data: I wish I could invent something to save you, Chunk

Chunk: (coughs blood) I wish that too, old friend.

Sloth: CHUNK!!!