Bruce: Hey, let’s play that game where the floor is lava.
Tammy: But the floor really is lava! Lookout!
(The couch Bruce is standing on melts into the floor. Bruce screams and tries to jump to a neighboring chair, but he doesn’t quite make it. His hands grasp the chair while his legs dissolve in the lava, catching the rest of his body on fire.)
Bruce: (Screams)
Tammy: Hold on, Bruce! I’m coming! Just hold on!
Bruce: (Continues screaming)
(Tammy attempts to jump over to Bruce but she misses her jump and falls into the lava. She is consumed with fire and sinks amid screams of terror. Bruce is in too much pain to notice. His hands slip off the chair and he too is lost to the lava. The lava then disappears, leaving only the smoldering ashes of Bruce and Tammy)
Thursday:
Detective Ham Johnson: Two piles of ash. Two dead teenagers. This pile here used to be Tammy Pine. Cheerleader. Star of her soccer team. And this pile here used to be Bruce Jordan, skateboarder and high school math wiz. It’s a shame. It’s a damn shame. These kids are the ninth and tenth victims of whoever is sick enough to do this. Someone is burning these kids alive, and if it takes me the rest of my life, I’m going to figure out whom!
Detective Roberts: I’ve got to get going.
Detective Ham: Talk to you later. I’m going to ask around town and see if I can’t get any leads. Somebody somewhere knows what’s been burning these kids.
Later:
(Detective Ham Johnson is riding his car home after questioning somebody at night. Suddenly a car appears next to him that tries to drive him off the road. At first Detective Ham Johnson can’t see who’s driving the other car, but just before he drives off a cliff, he sees a glowing blob of lava in the driver’s seat. When his car drives off a cliff, Detective Ham Johnson believes that he is dead for sure. But he isn’t because the car lands on the wing of a Boeing 747 airplane that was flying too close to the cliff.)
Detective Ham Johnson: Lava!
(Detective Ham Johnson collects his thoughts)
Detective Ham Johnson: Lava did it. Lava killed those kids and then tried to kill me when my questions started digging too deep. And Lava thinks it’s gotten away with it too, as I’d be dead if I didn’t land on this 747 here. When this plane lands, I’m going to drive back here and confront Lava. No doubt it will be surprised to find me very much alive.
(Detective Ham Johnson remains on the wing of the 747, and we see the gorgeous countryside fly by underneath him as the plane flies all the way to
Detective Ham Johnson: Damn it! To stop Lava I’ve got to drive all the way from
(Detective Ham Johnson puts the pedal to the metal. His Mazda 323 lurches forward)
Detective Ham Johnson: Wooo-eee! I’ve got to drive fast if I’m going to stop Lava from killing more kids.
(Suddenly there is a clunking sound and then steam begins to rise from the hood of Detective Ham Johnson’s Mazda)
Detective Ham Johnson: No! How am I going to get to
(Airport mechanic Dud Burls approaches Detective Ham Johnson and his broken down car)
Dud Burls: I can fix that!
(Dud Burls uses his wrench and fixes the car)
Detective Ham Johnson: Thanks. I’m trying to catch a killer in
Dud Burls: I’d be honored. Let’s go get this killer
(Detective Ham Johnson and Dud Burls travel together, but for some reason the Mazda breaks down again in the
Detective Ham Johnson: Look! A house!
Dud Burls: Yes. Let’s go inside. Maybe they have food and water. I’ll go in first to check and see if it’s safe.
(Dud Burls goes into the shack. Detective Ham Johnson waits outside for ten minutes until Dud Burls returns.)
Dud Burls: Hey! Nobody’s here! Come on in
Detective Ham Johnson: Hey, while you were inside I noticed this mailbox! It says “McCoys.”
Dud Burls: That’s strange. Come on inside.
Later:
Detective Ham Johnson: I’ll just clean up while Dud Burls is hunting. I know he told me not to, but still.
(Detective Ham Johnson cleans up under Dud Burls’ bed and finds a picture. The picture is labled “McCoy Family Portrait” and clearly identifiable in the picture is Lava and Dud Burls.)
Detective Ham Johnson: This is like the big reveal!
(Dud Burls comes home and Detective Ham Johnson tries to hide the picture)
Dud Burls: I’m gonna break your knees!
1 comment:
This screenplay has finally convinced me that this is the best screenplay writing forum on the internet. I've read all the others--- from LetsWriteAMovie.net to ManyManyGooniesSequels.org-- and none of them have come even close to producing such consistently excellent and original work as those here at AttentionHollywood.blogspot.com, and "Lava Your Fellow Man" is a perfect example of all the things that make your site great.
The first thing you think is: no one has ever made a movie about a force of nature (Lava) attacking children as if it were a deranged murderer. And you're right, but where you say, "So then don't do it" Human Gorrilla is saying "So then DO do it." DO DO IT.
And HG is also a master of suspense.
Post a Comment