Praint

Yvonne: Hey Ronald? Want to go to a party?

Ronald: Damn it! No! Get the F out of my way! I'm going to paint this house! Hey…where'd all my paint go?

Elsewhere…

Barnaby: Hey Mike. You know, if we didn't paint these yellow lines on the road I bet cars would drive right the F into each other. You ever think about that?

Mike: I do think about that, Barnaby. I think about that all the time. I think about it and I think about it but now matter how much I think and no matter how much I worry, the danger is still there. It's real and it's there. Like old bastard time himself, it is relentless. Because if we don't do our jobs… people die. I cannot think away the danger; it is immortal. I cannot ignore it either. It is in-your-face. And so…I must accept it. I must face the danger and conquer it with dash-after-dash of painted yellow line. And so must you. Now stop jerking me around, Barnaby and hand it over. How are we going to conquer this danger if you keep hiding all the paint?

Barnaby: (whispering in a scared tone) Um…Mike?... Mike… I…I didn't hide any paint.

And on the visual TV...

Reporter: We have some breaking news. Where'd all the paint go?

At a High School:

Corbin Mantruck: And so class, if you look outside, you'll see rain clouds. Rain clouds are part of our weather system.

Madison Street: Oooh! They're so pretty!

Corbin Mantruck: For today's lab on weather, I'd like you all to paint the clouds outside, using the materials provided.

Tommy Johnson: Ain't no paint, Mr. Mantruck.

Corbin Mantruck: But that's… impossible! Unless…. Class, you're dismissed. Read pages of the book for your homework tonight.

(the class leaves)

Corbin Mantruck: (mumbling to himself) When I theorized about this…nobody believed…..thought I was crazy….I thought I was crazy…

(Corbin Mantruck does some equations on the dry-erase board, using both hands to write, just like Leonardo Da Vinci used to)

Corbin Mantruck: Weather…has evolved.

Four Hours Later

(Corbin is on the phone)

Corbin Mantruck: No! It is not okay to put me on hold! I've been on hold for 3 hours! You've got to listen! Weather has evolved! It's not just water that evaporates anymore! Don't you see? Paint is evaporating too!

(Corbin is put on hold)

Corbin Mantruck: G DAMN it!

(Corbin slams down the phone. Just then, a doorbell rings. Corbin answers the door)

Walt Van Shorn: Mr. Mantruck? Hi. It's Walt Van Shorn? I called last week about doing a teacher profile on you for the school paper?

Corbin Mantruck: Right. Get the F inside, Walt. I've got something to tell you.

Walt Van Shorn: Alright. So…my first question-

Corbin Mantruck: No no no. Forget the questions. I like your jacket. I've got something urgent, Walt. I've got the biggest story since ever.

Walt Van Shorn: EVER?!?!

Corbin Mantruck: You watch the news, Walt? You hear about the disappearing paint?

Walt Van Shorn: Yeah, I heard about it. Why?

Corbin Mantruck: The sky.

Walt Van Shorn: Ummm…

Corbin Mantruck: I know. You think I'm crazy, right? But look outside. See those rain clouds? I was just talking about them in my class today. See how with the sunset, they look so beautiful with the oranges and reds and purples?

Walt Van Shorn: Yes….

Corbin Mantruck: Well tell me how the F that's possible, Walt, since the sun set FIVE F'ING HOURS AGO!!!

Walt Van Shorn: !!!! But…But it's supposed to rain tomorrow!

Corbin Mantruck: Bring your paint thinner!

Walt Van Shorn: But what do we do?

Corbin Mantruck: We die.

Walt Van Shorn: There's got to be something we can do.

Corbin Mantruck: Did you know, Walt, that humans are almost 62% water? Water. Not paint, Walt. Water.

Walt: So…so what's going to happen?

Corbin Mantruck: Paint rain. Paint rivers and lakes. Diluted paint oceans. Lead poisoning. Ruined houses. Drinking water becomes paint water. Huffing becomes yet a greater epidemic. An entire color spectrum of destruction.

Walt Van Shorn: Well we can't just give up!

Corbin Mantruck: Then don't. Me? I think I gave up a long time ago. Walt, I'm not a perfect man. I've struggled with drugs, extreme sports, alcohol, violence... I've fought all of those demons, and I've won. I'm still here. But I don't have another fight left in me, Walt. I'm tired. This raining paint thing is going to kill me. I just want to warn the public, sit back, and let the paint color me away.

Walt Van Shorn: With all due respect, Mr. Mantruck: Go to hell.

Corbin Mantruck: Goodbye, Walt. Please, make sure people know. Give them a fighting chance.

Walt Van Shorn: Goodbye, Mr. Mantruck.

Later:

Eve: My umbrella! It's ruined!

Ian: Paint fumes?! We're getting high on paint fumes! Quick run to the house!

Eve: I don't like this! I don't do drugs!

Ian: I said get to the house!

Later:

Walt (voiceover): On September 15^th, 2008, weather evolved. We weren't ready. Nobody was. Around the world, paint began to evaporate. In response, the world made more - more of the same poison that would soon change the face of this world forever, more of the wet, liquid killer. But the first praint storm didn't kill everyone. Like me, some found shelter. Now, we live our lives searching for streams and indoor pools with a fresh water supply. Water is our God now. But there are others, too. Those that couldn't find shelter quickly grew intoxicated by the praint fumes. Now, these paint-stained savages stumble and stagger throughout the streets, living in the daze of praint, they are hungry and violent. With a lazy and methodical rage, they attack anyone that gets near them. So we hide. We hide from the praint, hide from the Huffers, hide from the grim reality that comes in every thick and sticky color. Sometimes I think that maybe Corbin Mantruck was right to give up. He wasn't alone. People give up every day, walking into the praint and embracing its fumes. Me? Most days I still have hope. That hope keeps me fighting. One day, maybe we can analyze the DNA of weather. And maybe, if there are enough scientists left, scientists that haven't given in to the praint or the huffers, maybe we can find a way to take that DNA and take out the paint evaporating gene. I live for that day

Take The Wall Down

Earth’s galaxy, the Milky Way, travels through space 373 miles a second. That’s 1,342,800 miles an hour, a very unsafe speed by anyone’s standards. For millions of years, the people of Earth have lived every day unaware of the danger surrounding them. December 12^th, 2008, all of that changed.

Scene: A cabin in the woods. Amateur astronomer Corbin Mantruck is looking through his telescope

Corbin Mantruck: Will you look at that! That star just went supernova! Beautiful! It’s lighting up the sky! Wait…What the…?

(Corbin peers closer through his telescope)

Corbin Mantruck: Oh Lord! We’ve all been fools! The supernova is shedding light on an otherwise dark area of space! It wouldn’t be a problem at all except…except I can see the wall at the end of the universe!

(Corbin does some quick calculations. He stares and them in disbelief and then does them again, this time very, very slowly. He gets the same answer)

Corbin Mantruck: The Earth. We’re headed straight for the Universe’s wall. And by studying the Doppler Effect and wavelengths, it looks like we’re headed straight for the wall, traveling at…no…wait….I must make sure…

(Corbin once more checks his figures, going through each item line by line. Once again, he arrives at the same, unbelievable answer)

Corbin Mantruck: We’re doomed. We’re heading towards the Universe’s wall at 1,342,800 miles an hour. At that rate, when we hit it we’ll be flattened like a pancake. I’ve…I’ve got to tell someone. At this rate we’ll crash into the wall in four days!

Scene: The Pentagon. 5-star general Steel Delivery answers a red telephone

Gen Steel Delivery: Hello?

Corbin Mantruck: General Steel Delivery? This is Corbin Mantruck, amateur astronomer and ex-Navy Seal.

Gen. Steel Delivery: How did you get this number, Mantruck?

Corbin Mantruck: That’s not important, sir. We don’t have time for that.

Gen: Steel Delivery: Go on, son.

Corbin Mantruck: I’ll get right to the point. The universe has a wall and we’re headed straight for it. If we don’t figure out a solution, we’ll crash into it in four days.

Gen. Steel Delivery: So?

Corbin Mantruck: You’re a General, General Steel Delivery, so please understand that what I say next is with all the restraint I can muster. We will CRASH INTO THE UNIVERSE’S WALL AT 1,342,800 MILES AN HOUR!!!

Gen. Steel Delivery: Good God.

Corbin Mantruck: You see the danger.

Gen. Steel Delivery: I do. We’ll all be killed….

Corbin Mantruck: Exactly. There are no Americans now, Gen. Steel Delivery. There are no Russians or Africans or Arabs of Chinese. There are only Earthlings. We’re all in this together.

Gen. Steel Delivery: You’re right. Of course you’re right. And I see your point. If we’re going to blow up the Universe’s Wall, we’re going to need to the resources of the entire world.

Corbin Mantruck: Glad we’re on the same page.

Gen. Steel Delivery: I’m going to call the president. We need to assemble a team of world leaders. It’s crunch time. And Corbin Mantruck? I want you here, on our team. You discovered this problem and your voice has earned the right to be heard.

Corbin Mantruck: Thank you, Gen. Steel Delivery. Now, to blow up the Universe’s wall. I assume we have some sort of new super bomb that nobody knows about?

Gen. Steel Delivery: That would be classified information, Mantruck.

Corbin Mantruck: Don’t jerk me around, General Steel Delivery! Am I a part of this team or aren’t I?!

Gen. Steel Delivery: I’m sorry, son. But I just can’t reveal classified information.

Corbin Mantruck: Damn it! This red tape is why I quit my job as a Navy Seal lab-scientist! You know what? Screw it, Gen. Steel Delivery. I’m out. You work with your world team on blowing up the Universe’s Wall, and I’ll work with mine.

Gen. Steel Delivery: There’s no way you can beat us, son. We’ll have the world’s top scientists at our disposal.

Corbin Mantruck: We’ll see. If you’ll excuse me, General, I need to hang up. There are some calls I need to make.

(Corbin hangs up the phone)

Corbin Mantruck: Bastards! They’re gonna do whatever they can to stop me!

(Corbin throws a wine glass against the wall)

Corbin Mantruck: Well, looks like it’s time to call in a few favors from my frat brothers. They say a Sigma Alpha Epsilon brother is a brother for life. They say a Sigma Alpha Epsilon brother helps a brother in need. Let’s hope that’s true. First call? Harry Hangover Dirtsen. Let’s see what he’s up to.