Dirty Cop A Plea

Cop: So, it turns out that the cop is a dirty cop after all!

(Gun shot from the darkness)

Cop: Nooo!

(He dies and bleeds all over the carpet and furniture)

(Later)

Cop 2: Looks like what we’ve got here is a clear case of murder.

Cop 3: Murder!?

Cop 2: Plain as day.

Cop 3: But why? Why would someone murder a cop?

Cop 2: Well maybe he knew something he shouldn’t have, something that was a secret.

Cop 3: What are you saying?

Cop 2: I am saying that maybe this cop found out about a dirty cop!

Cop 3: A dirty cop! This is not the movies! What makes you say that? Do you know anything about a dirty cop?

Cop 2: If I did, I would be a dead.

(A non-mustached Cop 4 secretly watches and listens from behind a couch)

Cop 5: I want to know why he had to die! (shoots an assault rifle into the air)

Cop 2: I don’t know how I’m going to solve this case of the dirty cop.

Cop 3: Hey. You are going to solve the case of the dirty cop like you solve all of the cases you solve. You will solve it through hard work, intelligence, strength, faith, family, friends, and if necessary guns.

Cop 2: Thank you, friend. Thank you for this believing in me.

Police Radio: Attention all units: There is a crime going on two blocks from here.

Cop 3: Come on! That crime is occurring on our beat! It looks like there are other fish to fry!

Cop 2: Yes but first appearances can be deceiving.

Cop 3: Yes they can. Off to the other crime scene!

(At the other crime scene)

Cop 2: Look a burglary was committed here.

Cop 3: But this is just a warehouse full of police files. These files are not worth anything!

Cop 2: You are right. Wait no you are wrong! Think about this idea. Maybe the burglar wanted the files because they had some incriminating evidence in them. Wait! Maybe the burglar stole the files so that we would not find the incriminating evidence.

Cop 3: I guess anything is possible.

Cop 2: Hm. I am wondering that maybe this case is connected with the other case

Cop 3: Well now you are imagining things.

Cop 2: We will see. I hope you are right. We will see. I hope you are right.

(A non-mustached Cop 4 secretly watches and listens from behind a couch)

Smombie World

(SCENE: A very crowded street. Rico is standing on a bench shouting at people)

Rico: Everyone is already dead! Everyone! You just don’t know it yet!

Man: Shut up, you crazy.

Rico: Am I crazy?

God: No, Rico. No, you ain’t crazy.

Rico: You’re all already dead! You’re walking corpses, every one of you!

(All of a sudden, we see that everyone is covered in maggots. They actually have been zombies the whole time)

Woman: Wait! We are dead! I’ve got some maggots on me!

Man: No you don’t. Wait… Yes you do! But how did it happen?

Rico: I don’t know!

Woman: You know, I don’t feel any different.

Rico: Nobody said you should feel different.

Jason Priestly: Hey, I don’t have any maggots on me! Maybe I’m not dead?

Rico: Look closer. They’re there.

Jason Priestly: Nope. I’m alive. I’m alive and you all are dead! What’s going on?!

Rico: KILL HIM!

(All of the zombies turn to Jason Priestly and their eyes are red and their teeth are sharp. And event though they didn’t know they were zombies [with the exception of Rico], they are, in fact, pretty smart zombies.)

Jason Priestly: No. No I don’t think so, guys. Not today.

(Jason Priestly clubs two zombies and runs into the military testing lab. With the smart zombies hot on his heels, he finds an experimental jetpack. He straps it on and flies to the rooftop of a skyscraper. He perches there, his eyes on the smart zombie city)

Jason Priestly: So it’s just me now. I’m the only one left to stop crime perpetrated by smart zombies. It’s just me. Me with no maggots, me with this experimental military jetpack. And are there any other people who are the living living? And if so, how can I find them when it seems the entire world is filled with zombies who don’t even know they are zombies? Heh…

(fires up jetpack)

Jason Priestly: Looks like I’ve got my fuckin’ work fuckin’ cut out for me.

The Mid-Arm of Justis

(Scene: An operating table in a hospital)

Police Chief: How is the operation going, doctor?

Doctor: Good. We’re almost done. Soon, police officer Danny Justis will have a third arm made out of pulverite, the strongest substance there is.

Police Chief: And it matches his skin tone perfectly!

Doctor: I know. It’s remarkable.

Police Chief: With three arms, Officer Justis can turn the tide. Of crime.

Doctor: (shouting) That’s the only reason I agreed to do this infernal operation! I’ve been very clear: Though I can see the immense value of having a police officer that has a third arm made out of pulverite, you are messing with evolution, Chief! You are messing with God’s image!

Police Chief: Yes, yes. You’ve said this before. And in return for your concession, we are wiping clear your criminal record of administering vendetta justice against violent criminals.

Doctor: Thank you. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to finish sewing on the pulverite arm before officer Danny Justis bleeds to death.

Police Chief: Go right ahead.

(The police chief lights a cigar and takes out a picture from his wallet of his old partner Terry O’Mulligan, a man killed in action by a mysterious man who was never caught.)

(Scene: Recovery Room. Danny Justis is waking)

Danny Justis: What’s happened to me? I have a third arm growing out of my chest!?

Doctor: You had a third arm attached. It’s bullet proof, Danny. Bulletproof.

Danny Justis: I see. It makes sense. For keeping the peace. For stopping crime. For maintaining the law of the land.

Doctor: For all of those things, Mr. Justis. But might I make a suggestion?

Danny Justis: Please.

Doctor: Don’t waste your third arm on stopping common every-day crime. Use your third arm to defeat the Tri-Umps.

Danny Justis: What? Huh? Who are the Tri-Umps?

Doctor: I’m glad you asked me that, Danny. It shows me you’re the chosen one. You see, the Tri-Umps are the unholy trinity of crime. They are three criminal masterminds, all adept in the dark arts. First, there is Beelzebrother. This one is very…urban. He summons demons to help corrupt the minds of underlings. He is the weakest of the Tri-Umps, and yet his magic has made him invincible in every way. You must kill him.

Danny Justis: My third-arm will find a way.

Doctor: Second, there is Ursa Major. She is a huge giant bear and a very sexy seductress. Ursa Major’s power is beyond comprehension. She can crush rocks so easy.

Danny Justis: Like a robot!

Doctor: Yes. Like a robot. Still, as powerful as she is, even Ursa Major is only the second in command. First in command, the leader of the Tri-Umps, is –is –

Danny Justis: Who is it, Doctor?

Doctor: ….BAH! BAH! CARS GO ZOOM! BAH! BAH!

Danny Justis: All of a sudden the doctor is retarded! What’s going on?! He must be under a retarded spell from the Tri-Umps. Come back to me, Doctor! Come back! You were telling me about the Tri-Umps!

Doctor: BAH! BAH! FOUR ARMS!! BAH! BAH!

Danny Justis: Four Arms? No, Doctor. I have three arms. Oh, it’s no use. He’s still retarded. I guess I’ll have to learn about the Tri-Ump leader myself. But first, time to kill Beelzebrother. Apparently, he’s been causing trouble for far too long. With demons.

(Danny Justis gets out of the hospital bed, and opens the hospital bedroom door. With his third arm.)