Winston Churchill: I hate being poor.
(Winston Churchill picks up a Hershey’s Chocolate bar wrapper from the gutter. Starving, he begins to lick it. After pausing for a moment, Winston begins to chew the wrapper, trying to get some of its chocolaty taste. It is then Winston notices the children inside the candy shop staring at him in horror. Ashamed, his face reddens and his eyes water. He slowly walks to the park, too sad to run)
Lady at park: Hey there, little boy! What’s the matter? Where are your parents?
Winston Churchill: They’re dead, mam. They died in the Civil War. Now I have to feed myself, but I’m too young to get a real job.
Lady at park: Oh, that’s so sad!
(The lady turns and walks away)
Winston Churchill: Dang it, if I just had money… If I had money I could buy warm clothes, I could eat tasty treats, and I could move far overseas.
(Winston Churchill gets hit by a truck that was driving through the park)
Winston Churchill: My legs! My legs! I’ll never walk again!
Heaven Angel: No, you won’t. But you will be King of England.
Winston Churchill: I will?
(For the first time since the movie began, the heaven angel disappears.)
Winston Churchill: I will?! No! Please, come back!
Winston Churchill: My only friend, and it’s gone…
(Winston Churchill begins crying, and through the camera’s rapidly alternating shots of his ruined legs and the space where the heaven angel used to be, the audience understands that he’s crying not just because he’ll never walk again, but also because he lost his only friend)
7 years later
(It’s the year 1861. Winston Churchill is 15 years old. He is right smack in the middle of puberty, with acne, the greasy face, and the gangly arms. He is like the whole shebang of puberty except that his legs don’t work.)
Winston Churchill: Verily, I own a casino empire!
(The camera pulls back to reveal Winston Churchill is in his wheelchair on the roof of the “England Casino,” a prominent casino on the
Audience: Cheer for you!
(Winston Churchill takes a huge bite from a Hershey’s Chocolate Bar. When he is done, he licks the wrapper greedily, just like he did when he was 8. He is no longer ashamed.)
Winston Churchill: Yesterday’s morn I shot an officer of the law.
Madeline: Oh, I might argue that, Winston. Yesterday’s morn we saw a picture film.
Winston Churchill: Ay, but I could have, Madeline. And t’would have been so easy. And no person in this town would have said naught!
Madeline: I must leave you, Winston.
Winston Churchill: No not so, thy villainess, thy bitch!
Madeline: Yes, Winston. ‘Tis so. Whence I fell in love, I fell in love with a lad. And maybe the lad naught had coin, but he was good and true. He would speak of how he was to be the king of all
Winston Churchill: You matter not! I need you, not! And take witness, vile serpent! I AM the king of
Madeline: (softly, like a baby’s whisper) Oh, Winston, love? Do you verily think that is what thine heaven angel meant? That you should be king of a casino?
Winston Churchill: Go! Get out of here before I break thine face!
Winston Churchill: (Crying) No! Heaven Angel! Return to me! How many times must I lose thee? (licks chocolate bar wrapper)
(Winston Churchill, his head bent down, rolls his wheelchair slowly away from his casino empire like he’s a sad cripple on a wheelchair.)
Winston Churchill: She’s right. I have changed. I’m bitter with the taste of the hurt of the world on my soul. Oh regret! You flood my mind and dampen it like a thousand biblical floods! Yea, but it is not too late. I can change. I will change. I’m going to be good again.
(A woman approaches Winston Churchill in the alleyway)
Amelia: You’re trying to be good?
Winston Churchill: Yes. I am. But I’ve been bad for seven years and I don’t know if I can do it. I mean, see that casino over there?
Amelia: Where?
Winston Churchill: That big one. Right there, right in front of that automobile.
Amelia: I don’t see it.
Winston Churchill: Really? You don’t? With the neon lights that say “England Casino”? It’s right there.
Amelia: No, I really can’t see it. I can’t see it because I’m an idiot and I can’t see huge buildings even though I can see everything else.
Winston Churchill: What?
Amelia: Of course I can see it! Get over yourself, cripple.
Winston Churchill: Sorry.
Amelia: I’m a tomboy. I talk back to men.
Winston Churchill: Woah. What else do you do?
Amelia: This: Fly planes. You see, my name is Amelia Earhart.
Winston Churchill: The pilot?!
Later
Winston Churchill: (licks chocolate bar wrapper)
Thursday
Marty: The space time… continuum?
3 comments:
Hey dude-- I love what you got working here. But since they're in England I have no FUCKING IDEA WHY YOU DON'T HAVE A DOUBLE DECKER BUS IN IT. What are they suppose to guess that he's in England?
SHITBIRD SHITBIRD FILTHY SHITBIRD SHITBIRD.
Hello Tarnipkitty121212,
Firstly, you should know that I agree with you that double decker buses are certainly a strong indication that a movie is taking place in England. However, I respect my audience, and had the setting for this movie been England, I believe I would have gone for a more subtle approach, perhaps showing cobblestone streets, pubs, or the royal guards that don't talk that were featured in an episode of Friends. Audiences are smarter than I feel you're giving them credit for.
Secondly, as I alluded to earlier in my response, this movie does not take place in England. Rather, this movie takes place in New York, shortly after the Civil War has ended. The story follows the trials and tribulations of Winston Churchill as he grows up in America, turns his life around, and discovers England's crown jewels hidden an underground fort in Georgia. While everyone knows that Winston Churchill will eventually wind up in England, this movie ends in Georgia, with Churchill trying on the hidden crown and being granted custody of all of England's children. I have chosen to end the film there, as the rest of Winston Churchill's life is superbly documented.
In any case, I thank you for your suggestion of double buses, and I ask only that you refrain from using profanity in your comments. I am open to criticism, but I do not appreciate my mind being clouded by the image of a bird covered in feces.
EL DIVORCE
(Movie starts out in a living room with a man and a woman, both in their 40s)
Dan: I'm sorry, Harriet. I want a divorce
Harriet: Ok.
(Roll Credits on a black screen. Music: Open Arms by Journey)
This movie is about a couple who have been married for 15 years and what it's like when they get a divorce.
One thing that is special about the divorce is that their religious beliefs don't agree with divorce. The other thing that is special about this divorce is that they have 9 children.
Dan: What are we going to do about the kids?
Harriet: The kids.
Dan: Yes. I don't know, Harriet. I just don't know. How do we know which one it is?
(Though it will be revealed later in the movie, what Dan is referring to is that when they got married they consulted a witch doctor who told them that if they had 9 kids, one of them would be made from magic and have unforseen powers.)
Harriet: ...
Dan: We both want the magic child under our custody, but there's no telling who will get them. I know I have my suspicions as to which child it is, and I know you have yours. I know what we'll do. We'll roll dice. The highest roll gets to choose first. We'll pick, one at a time, which children to we get custody over.
Harriet: Did you ever love me?
Dan: Yes. Are you in, Harriet?
Harriet: I'm in.
Dan: Wait! We have an odd number of children! That means that one of us will get to keep more children than the other! What do we do?
Harriet: You decide.
Dan: Okay, then. We'll share the 9th child. You have it for half the time and I'll have it for the other half.
Harriet: Okay.
(Dan and Harriet each choose which child they will get. There is some arguing, but in the end they both agree. Dan and Harriet get four and a half children a piece. The last child chosen is Ted. Neither Dan nor Harriet believe Ted is magical, and they are only keeping their halves "just in case.")
Dan: So it is done.
Harriet: Yes.
(What follows are scenes of Dan and Harriet monitoring each of their children very closely, looking for signs of magic. Often times they think they see something, but in each scene, they are disappointed. Through this all, they share Ted. Ted, of course, is magical. But this is a heartwarming tale, and what is magical about Ted is his ability to bring Dan and Harriet back together, letting them remember how much they love each other and how much they need each other.)
Dan: So it was Ted all along! He magically healed our love!
Harriet: I'm happy.
(Close up on Ted. Ted secretly lifts a finger and a chair hovers and dances around the room)
Ted: Yes. That's what I do!
(Roll Credits)
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