Narrator: Hello, audience. You came here expecting to see a movie. We give you…reality. What you are about to see is actually happening right outside the very theater/home you are sitting in right now. That being said, and we can not stress this enough: DO NOT LEAVE THE THEATER/YOUR HOME. The building you are currently sitting in is the only building in the world that has been deemed absolutely safe by real scientists.
(The blackness on the screen suddenly disappears and the camera shows a movie theater. A woman comes out of the theater)
Woman: Whatever! There's no danger out here! I'm not going to stay in that theater like the Narrator told me!
(All of a sudden the woman is scared and/or something because she's in pain and dead. There's a closeup on her face and she is shocked and her eyes are wide.
Woman: I…I should have listened to the Narrator!
(The woman falls down and nobody knows why except when the camera pulls back there's an anthropomorphic she-fox named Trixie and Trixie just shot the woman with a crossbow. Trixie has silky, golden brown fur. She is quite fit and very noticeably naked.)
Trixie: Now I'm going to enter this movie theater/your house!
Narrator: Look out, audience! She's talking about the very movie theater/home you're in right now!
Trixie: (Looks into camera) Here I come, everybody!
(Trixie approaches the movie theater but suddenly she's machine-gunned down by a man with a lot of muscles and a lot more of only one thing: Guns)
Man: I'm the Narrator!
(The Narrator empties another clip into Trixie's flawless anthropomorphic nudity as he speaks to the audience)
Narrator: Audience, this is the danger I was warning you about. These creatures are taking over the world. First they seduce the population and then they go kill it with crossbows that they made at home without any help from their friends. But I'm going to protect all of you. Just stay inside, no matter what! (snorts a line of coke)
(An anthropomorphic tigress named Tigress, wearing a see-through mesh shirt, cut-off jeans, and black prostitute boots, backflips onto the street. She is part vampire.)
Tigress: (anthropomorphic chest heaving with adrenaline) If you let me destroy your world, we can do it right here, right now.
Narrator: !!!!!
(The narrator launches a grenade at Tigress, and she is so shocked that her mouth opens and she accidentally swallows the grenade.)
Narrator: Hey, audience members watching this in the theater/your home. Before Tigress blows up, know that there was a time when I loved her, when I would have sacrificed anything for her. We were in a such a cool band together. We excelled. She sang and I played bass. And when we fell in love our music, our music which was experimental and edgy to begin with, evolved into this beautiful suffusion of steak and gravy. But it turned out she was anthropomorphic the entire time and she killed my family and my friends. Still...even then...I kept right on loving at her. Why do I tell you this? I tell you so you can see that….well…I'm not a perfect man.
(The grenade inside Tigress blows up.)
Narrator: But I'm a perfect killing machine!
(The Narrator looks through the blown up remains of the sultry anthropomorphic tigress Tigress.)
Narrator: Why didn't you tell me, Tigress? (To the Audience) I just now found out she was pregnant when she blew up.
(A man named Jerry leaves the theater)
Jerry: Man, there's no way that's happening outside. There's no way! Sexy anthropomorphic animals? No way.
Narrator: I said stay the fuck inside!
Jerry: What the? You're.....real?!
Narrator: Look out!
(A velvatine anthropomorphic giraffe, in the bloom of her youth and wearing only a G-string, attempts to bite off Jerry's head. Trying to protect Jerry, the Narrator jumps on top of the giraffe and wrestles it to the ground. The giraffe fights back, and there is a jumble of wrestling and entanglement. Their fighting slows, however, as suddenly the Narrator and the anthropomorphic giraffe are kissing passionately.)
Narrator: Oh, the sweetness…
(Jerry attempts to return to the movie theater, but the Narrator shoots him before he can get back. The screen goes black and the audience just hears the Narrator's voice.)
Narrator: Okay, audience members. It's safe to come out now. No need to worry about the sexy, beautiful, nude anthropomorphic animals. Nobody's going to hurt you. Just…just come out of the theater/your home. The movie's over. Come out….come out!
(Suddenly onscreen is an anthropomorphic she-raccoon named Rockette. She looks to be about 22, and she's wearing a thin white t-shirt with no bra. Through the t-shirt, you can see some of her fur.)
Rockette: Audience! I'm an anthropomorphic raccoon, and I want you to know that I'm on your side! Do not leave the theater/your home! The Narrator is trying to trick you!
Narrator: Don't believe her! I've killed all the anthropomorphic hotties! Come out of the theater/your home! It's safe now!
Rockette: Ok, Narrator, if you've killed them, what am I doing here?
Narrator: (chuckles, evilly) Okay, you caught me, Rockette. But the audience will have to come out sometime, and when they do, I'm going to tear their heads off! Love has blinded me! (Narrator points to the generous chest of the anthropomorphic giraffe.)
Rockette: We've got to work together, Audience! I'm going to try and stop the Narrator and the other anthropomorphic vixens taking over the world, but I need your help! You be my eyes. If you see the Narrator or a buxom anthropomorphic dolphin or horse or other animal, I need you to yell at the movie screen/your television screen and tell me where the danger is. But my hearing isn't so good, so you'll all have to yell together. Should we test it?
Rockette: (pauses)
Rockette: Good. Okay. Pretend there's an undulating anthropomorphic ferret behind me. I'd want you all to yell "Behind you!" Can you try that for me?
Rockette: (pauses)
Rockette: (pauses)
Rockette: Well...that was okay, but I think you can do better. Lets try it one more time. Come on, you in the back!
Later:
(Rockette is walking through an alley, anxious and on guard. A beautiful anthropomorphic panther wearing a thin, unbuttoned white collar shirt tucked into a red plaid mini-skirt, her chest heaves in anticipation as she gets ready to jump on Rockette)
Rockette: What's that, audience? Above me?
(Rockette fires her homemade crossbow and kills the anthropomorphic panther.)
Rockette: Thanks, guys!
2 comments:
This movie is the most original cinematic idea in history, ever. And I love it. But the problem I foresee is as follows: if the audience is supposed to believe the movie is taking place outside the home/theatre where they are, how are they supposed to know if the movie takes place in England? I recommend you either drive people to the theatre in a double decker bus as a promotion or change the location of the action, which you had as happening just outside of a home/theatre, to being on top of a double decker bus. It should be passing London landmarks.
Hey, and I think you might want to add in an anthropomorphized zebra with no eyes but a love of fun. It would be cool to see her get shot.
I love the British setting. It will capitalize on the major Jane Austen fever sweeping popular culture. Combining talking animals (a la Disney's Robin Hood) with Jane Austen makes me laugh out loud with excitement. And the action here, if filmed correctly, could be second to none. And the concept is bonechilling. But I don't need the coke. Drugs have no place in entertainment. Period. And no one's going to believe these animals didn't have help with the crossbows.
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