Personification Station

(A man knocks on the door of a house. It is opened by a gentleman wearing a bathrobe)

Murder: Good evening. I am the personification of the emotion “Murder.” I’ve come to kill you.

Immortality: I’m sorry, “Murder” but I am the personification of the emotion “Immortality.” You can not kill me.

Murder: I see…Quite a coincidence that we are both personifications of things.

Immortality: It is.

Murder: Hey, let’s team up! We could join together.

Immortality: No thank you. Then I’d literally have to live with guilt forever.

Murder: Come on. It’s exciting.

Immortality: Fine then.

(Immortality and Murder meld together and approach a young woman)

Immortality/Murder: You’re dead meat!

(Immortality/Murder kill the young woman off-screen. A shoe flies towards the camera. There is blood on it.)

Immortailty/Murder: Quick! Get her wallet!

(sounds of Immortality/Murder getting the wallet.)

Immortality/Murder: Well we killed her. Lets see who it was.

(Immortality/Murder open the wallet and check the Driver’s License. The Driver’s License says that the young woman, an organ donor, was the personification of the emotion “Properly Caring for Pets.”)

Immortality/Murder: What have we done?! We’ve killed another personification!

(Immortality/Murder unmeld and become individual personifications again)

Immortality: Look what you made me do!

Murder: Yes!

(Murder begins softly singing the song Amazing Grace)

Immortality: Now, every time I see someone forget to feed their dog, I will know it is my fault and I will cry. I will cry until the end of time, for my grief cannot end. For my grief, like the rest of me, is Immortal.

Later:

Immortality: Do you see this grain of sand? This single grain of sand is very, very old. It is not as old as the Earth, but it might be close. I am older than this grain of sand. I’d guess this grain of sand is maybe 3 billion years old, so…think about how long I’ve been around.

(A dog has fleas and mange)

Immortality: Let me die!

Professor: Sir, as I was neglecting to feed my parrot, I couldn’t help but overhear your dilemma.

Immortality: (sobs in a monotone staccato)

Professor: Am I correct in assuming that you’re the personification of the emotion Immortality?

Immortality: Uh-huh…

Professor: And did I hear that you’d like to die, but you can’t because you’re immortal?

Immortality: That’s so weird that you heard me.

Professor: So guess what!

Immortality: What?

Professor: I think I know a way you can die.

Immortality: No way! With science?

Professor: No. Science is a lie. We’d kill you with logic! You see, all you’d need to do is kill the personification of the emotion “Personification.”

Immortality: I wouldn’t have to live with my guilt! But….but wouldn’t killing the personification of the emotion “Personification” kill all of the other emotion personifications?

Professor: Uh-huh.

Immortality: I….I don’t think I could do it. Maybe I should just live with my guilt.

Professor: It’s your funeral.

Immortality: No...no it isn't.

(A cat’s litter box hasn’t been changed in like a year)

Immortality: I’ll do it!

Professor: Yes!

Later:

Professor: It’s me, the personification of the emotion “Murder”! I became a professor, but I still like making people kill other people!

Personification: Don’t do it, Immorality.

Professor Murder: Maybe a ferret just starved to death!

Immortality: What do I do?!

Decision Making: I am the personification of the emoticon Decision Making. Maybe I can help.